tatah kim tatah kim, tatah kim tatah kim

if we don’t lay down our mind at the feet of the guru,

then what, then what, then what, then what?

I’m bringing together here a teaching i received through both the asana practice and chanting with Jayasree. the above is a passage repeated at the end of each verse of the Guru-Astakam from Shankaracharya. which explains that everything we pocess and are capable of, are meaningless unless we surrender our ego to the truth (the Dharma) of the Guru’s teaching.

each week here in the practice i experience this by closely following Sharath’s vinyasa counts, and surrendering to the higher order created by practicing in unison with the group. i also received a teaching in Shraddha (faith) in the teacher/practice which transformed my daily practice.

“Don’t Cheat! or you go home!” this was one of the first personal instructions i received from Sharath during the third week of my being here. he observed me in the 9th vinyasa of Urdhva Muhka Pashimotanasana. (inhale – rock up) i was holding on to my ankles so as to be able to come up with straight legs, creating the illusion of doing the vinyasa correctly, i was caught “cheating.”

“You take heels, staright legs! no cheating!” so i proceeded to take hold of the sides of my feet and attempt to rock up with straight legs. not happening. i tried repeatedly before giving up and rocking up while bending my knees. after practice i went to ask him for advice. he just smiled and said “practice more.”

he had ousted me from my hiding place, and i had no choice but to surrender my ego and come back everyday and face myself, practice more, or go home. so i developed a new routine of earnestly attempted 2-3 times to come up with straight legs, and eventually giving in to bending my knees and comtinuing on. this became my new “vrtti-sarupyam” or self-image. Sharath let me be with it.

Nearly a month later, having just returned from HongKong, Sharath brought with him a renewed intensity to the shala. practice was up a notch and i was going through my routine rocking up with bentlegs, when i heard his voice, “STRAIGHT LEGS!” i didn’t need to look to know who this was directed at, i felt it. Atha-yoganusasanam, it was “now.”

i accepted his will over my own underestimated self image, and did it. i’ve continued to do it again and again each day. not always on the first try, but the doubt is gone, and my faith in the practice is strengthened. so now when i come to U.M.Pashimo’ and i rock up with straight legs, i then exhale in to the forward bend and place my mind at the feet of the guru.  “Gurorangripadme”

for if not, then what, then what, then what, then what?

Sharath said in one of the first Sunday talks at the shala i attended, “Yoga is for Self-realization, not exercise.” i feel this is what he means. i didn’t just come to be able to do another trick with my body, i actually came to a deeper understanding of my self through this experience.

We are all capable of much more than we seem. Each of us has within ourselves infinite capacities. it is only through constant practice, “uninterrupted, with an attitude of devotion and faith that the practice becomes a firm ground beneath our feet.”

peace

it’d been a difficult week, with many doubts and discontents arrising. Sharath left on Tuesday for two weeks, which caused a major shift in the energy of the shala. Saraswati would still be holding class, but many students had opted to take the time off and go away, or stay around and do home practice as per Sharath’s suggestion. a few friend’s of mine had left during the week to return home. my neighbor who had been here since before i arrived, as well as another student who i had met the first day i got here. so i was suffering from an overall upheaval of my daily life here as well as feeling disconnected to my life back in the states.

Weds. morning i woke up feeling not very well, so i stayed home. Thurs. i went to practice and was quite surprized to find the shala half empty and the energy level to be much more relaxed than when Sharath was present.   that night i didn’t sleep very well, i’d been up since 2am and when 4:30 arrived i decided the best thing to do was go to practice. i arrived at the shala to find the gate open and no one waiting outside. i went in and there were maybe 15 people spread about, usually on Friday morning there is a mad dash to secure a space and now i just stood there overwhelmed by having too many options on where to put down my mat. i settled for a place in the back row where i would be sure to have plenty of room behind me, a luxury i had come to miss.

a little after five i saw Guruji being led into the office and i felt something special on the way. he’d come down once last month to do the opening chant, now with Sharath away, who knew what could happen. Guruji and Saraswati made their way up to the front and a spark of energy circulated through out the room, perhaps only 25 people showed up for the early class that morning.

his voice was strong as he led us through the invocation, then without pause he called out Ekam, inhale! another jolt of energy spread through the room as we all understood the treat we were in for, led class with Guruji! it was the most inspiring experience i’d had since arriving. to be led through the series by this living source of Ashtanga yoga, was far more powerful than i had imagined. i could so deeply feel his love and devotion for this practice that it seemed to pour forth from my own body. his voice remained strong through out the entire series, and we all remained fixed on his counts, even when they came out of sequence. i can only wish for such stamina and focus if i approach 93.

after class as i came out from the changing room, i saw that he was standing in the doorway of the office at the back of the shala, i went directly to him, compelled from a place deep in my heart and bowed down at his feet. i stood up to behold a gleem of love in his eyes which is beyond my means to describe. i had come here after all these years drawn by an urge to pay my respects, and now the opportunity had been granted. outside in the fresh morning air, a beautiful sky in the colors of daybreak. everything felt so benevolent and at peace. 

“some simple thing shaped for generation after generation, until it lives in our hands and in our eyes, and it’s ours.” – Rilke

outside the front wall of the shala, life is good here in Mysore. i started my second month the day after the full moon last week. it’s nice to have the moon as an indicator of the passing time.

i could really feel a building up of energy leading up the the full moon, and then it felt like the bottom dropped out the first day back to practice after the moon day.  it’s impressive how Sharath keeps track of where everyone is at in their practice, especially as the number of students keeps rising. Thursday was exactly the first day of my second month, and even though i couldn’t start that day, he made a point of giving me the first pose of Intermediate. he came over while i was doing U.Hasta Padagangusta and told me to take Pasasana on Monday, (no new pose on the day before or after the moon day) so tomorrow i will begin the Intermediate series.

i must say the timing feels perfect. i knew coming here that everyone only does primary series their first month here.  in the beginning i had my doubts if it would be satisfying, and i even thought that i might do a second practice in the afternoons to “keep up” my intermediate practice. i quickly gave up that idea, after experiencing the energy of practicing here. sometime during the last week or at least the last few days before the full moon, i’d discovered a new appreciation for the primary series and was feeling stronger than ever inside the doing of the practice.

i’d just said to someone the day before how content i now was to be doing only the primary series, and how i really had no expectations of doing Intermediate this time. then without anticipating it, i get moved along to start Intermediate.  it’ll be interesting to see where the second month leads, perhaps into a third month? we’ll see what happens….

today being the new moon, this week is the start of a 4 week long course chanting the sutras with Jayasree. she is a local legend of sorts, a retired Sanskrit scholar, with a divine, melodious voice and a very simple, lovely way about her which makes studying the sutras all the more enjoyable. it’s like learning Sanskrit from your grandma.

the classes are held in a large family house, which feels a bit like a seniors rest home when you walk in. there are usually a few old guys watching tv in the front room. then you go through a door in the back and down a outdoor corridor to a small room on the right. it’s a library/office, computer on the desk which is always on, and the walls are lined with books, mostly Sanskrit volumes, but there are many yoga books in English as well, and various commentaries and translations of the sutras.

we sit on straw mats on the floor, there are usually around 10 students, and Jayasree sits up on a wooden couch. she always wears a sari, and she appears completely comfortable sitting with her legs folded underneath her, for the entire 90 minute session, hardly ever adjusting her seat. she eminates a stira-sukam ease in her posture and there is a clarity in her eyes, slightly magnified by her glasses. she seems to be constantly smiling, in between verses.

we always start with a chant to Ganesha, the remover of obstacles, and usually followed by a chant to Saraswati, who is the Goddess of learning, music, and speech. this week we are reciting the first 15 sutras of each chapter. the course outline is to add 15 new sutras each week, so that by the end of the month we will be chanting the whole book, all four chapters.

it’s become one of my morning rituals before i go to practice to chant the sutras that i have memorized so far. it sets a nice tone for the practice and it’s a good pranayama exercise as well. i might have to start getting up earlier as we get further through the book.

peace

so far i have received no physical assistance from Sharath except for the drop backs at the end of practice, but i find the influence of his ever present observation and the power of his vocal instructions to be much more useful then an extra push into a forward bend. i’m finding an ease in the practice which i have not felt before. the climate certainly helps, given the mix of cool morning air with the humidity of South India, add to that a room full of more than 60 bodies breathing “with sound,” and it feels to me to be the perfect atmosphere to practice in.

i’ve heard people say they’ve gotten into difficult postures practicing here in the shala which they could never achieve at other times in other places. let me be one more to add to the list. this morning after completing my 5 breaths in Kurmasana, Sharath just happened to be laying on the person’s back next to me, so i turned to him to ask if it was okay for me to sit up and place my legs behind my head? ala Dwi-pada sirsasana. i didn’t add that i’ve never been able to this before without assistance, but he smiled to me and said “yes, go ahead,” so what was i to do, but sit up and proceed to place both legs securely behind my head. he watched me the whole time, and said, “that’s good, now lower down, and take back your hands.” i was both pleased and amazed at the same time. i didn’t at all feel like i was forcing anything on my body, it all happened so simply, the next thing i knew i was in Supta Kurmasana without any physical assistance, more neatly than i have ever been before.

from that point i sort of floated through the rest of the series, and stood up from my third Urdva danurasana. at this point i stood and waited as i’ve done the last few days in mysore practice. so i’m standing with my arms crossed and my eyes closed just trying to let my breath be very smooth. for the last few months since i’ve been dealing with my elbow/shoulder issues i’ve been a bit reluctant to drop back unassisted. i did a couple the first day here, but i’ve been waiting for Sharath since then.

so i’m standing there with my eyes closed listening to my breath, and from a distance i hear “Go, drop back, don’t fear!” i hear it repeat again and suddenly i feel a self-recognition that it is addressed to me, i open my eyes and Sharath is looking at me while he is assisting someone a few mats away. “GO, Dropback, Don”t Fear!” so, i exhale back, inhale up three times, and i as i come up the third time he is standing there smiling, “that’s good, now cross your arms, Inhale…exhale back.” there is something very calming and grounding i feel when he assists me, i find an increase of energy and a willingness to proceed beyond my usual stopping point. moving beyond the discomfort, an opening occurs which i never imagined to be available.

i’ve been pondering the sutra Satya-pratishayam kriya-phalasrayatvam

this is Patanjali’s explaination of the practice of the 2nd Yama, Satya. it says that the words of one established in truthfulness, produce the appropriate result. or you can say that by only speaking the truth, whatever you say will be true.

i feel this is an essential aspect of Sharath’s teaching. the transmission of the power of the lineage comes through his voice, as he guides us into a true state of experiencing our own potential through the practice. this is the role of the teacher, to lead us from the unreal to the real, from the untrue to the true. i am grateful, and honored to be here.

Hari Om

the energy is unlike any other place i have practiced, just the sheer volume of bodies present in the room. my starting time is 6:15, which is towards the end of things, so the room has been cooking for an hour and a half already. it’s nice starting late in that as people finish no one else is coming to take their space. so i can stay and do my whole practice and finishing in the same spot.  The earlier folks have to go into the changing room for finishing and rest. I even had enough room for Upavisthta Kona, without being on somebody else’s mat, and there are no more calls for “One more, you come!” thundering through the room, as Sharath calls in the last students to enter from the waiting area.

Sharath is on his own right now, while Guruji and Saraswati are in USA, and he seems to be enjoying to have the place to himself. His attention to everyone in the room is impressive. He see all and he knows who is doing what, and if they are doing something he doesn’t feel they should be he lets them know it. I went all the way through primary, without any comments, so i took that to be a good sign. after my backbends and dropbacks, i waited for a moment and then quickly sat down to forward bend. After class, he says, “Weds. after backbends, you wait.” i told him i wasn’t sure what he wanted me to do, he said, “first day it’s okay.” but tomorrow i’ll be feeling his adjustment. everyone says how gentle he is, but he gets you in there, so we’ll see.

The other thing Chuck said to me was “Be a witness. (See)k the truth!” so i’m gonna use that as my mantra tomorrow while i’m being pulled deeper into the backbend. 

peace

i’m not complaining, it just took me by surprise, the cleanliness of everything, the high-rise apts & condos, the air-conditioned supermarkets, all the new cars, okay so there are motor rickshaws, it must still be India, although i’ve yet to see a single cow in the road.

people barely seem to take notice as you walk around town, the Indians here are so used to seeing westerners walking about they don’t bother with you. and the westerners are living so comfortably here they don’t “need” each other, the way backpackers tend to have a sense of connectedness when traveling through India, which gives rise to a friendly acknowledgement, or at least just eye-contact.

i’ve yet to be in the shala, although i’m staying just around the corner from it, so i walk by it several times a day. from the outside it looks to be a condo. or an upscale private house, with a gated drive way, and wall around the outside. there is a classy engraved black granite sign on the wall revealing it to be “the place.”

i’m hoping to get into led class tomorrow morning, although i haven’t been able to register yet. i got here Friday, and registration is Mon-Fri. 4-6pm, but the amount needed for registration fee plus the first month, exceeds the 20,000 daily limit from the ATM, so i had to wait another 24hrs to get more rp’s. today being Sat., no registration, but i was told by some relative who was there today, that perhaps i can come early, like 5:30am and pay the money before class, “if you are requesting, possibly Sharath is letting you?” so we’ll see what happens.

more reports form inside the walls, coming soon. till then…

wasn’t sure if i was up for practice but still i went, only to find out that it was a led primary practice. i wasn’t sure if this would be a good or a bad thing, there would certainly be no way to rush off to the toilet unnoticed if need be, i took the spot closest to the bathroom just in case.

it’d been a long time since i’d been in a led class, not since i arrived in Boston last August just before Kate left, it was actually quite nice. i got to hear Louise’s insights on the practice as she talked in between vinyasa counts. from the beginning she invited us to experience the surya namaskarsas a physical prayer. and she talked about how the energy we create in the beginning of the practice sets a tone for the rest of the series. she views the postures as the skeleton of the practice, and the breath, bandhas, dristhi, and most importantly the level of devotion we bring to the practice, that is the soul.

i was feeling stiff and weak from the weeks practice and my night spent on the toilet. so it was good having the group energy to draw upon. all was going well up to the Marichi’s. Louise is encouraging us to continue to fill up the breath, “let it reach up behind the sternum, and feel an opening in the heart center.” meanwhile all i can think about is the foot in my gut and the fear of what might get squeezed out. i’m cultivating unwavering attention to Mula Bandha, once more suffering is the source of learning.

 up into Bhujapida, no more worries about my elbow, now all i can focus on is the widening effect of the floor of my pelvis due to being up on my arms with my legs wrapped around and i’m focused on the importance of uddiyana like never before.  on the way back through Bakasana she instructs us to bring our feet to touch, this is insightful as i am often seeing student’s feet too wide as their legs slide down their arms, the teacher mind just doesn’t rest. see what we endure to improve our understanding of the practice to be able to bring it back to the classroom.

the primary series is over in less than an hour and now it’s time for Urdva dhanurasna, i’m feeling pretty spent, but she urges us onwards encouraging us to move through the backbends quickly, “feel the energy of the full energy of the practice, without getting caught up in all the particulars.” she says “just let you body do as it will do on a given day, during the week in mysore class you get to work out all the details.” this is the way i like to think about the led practices.

the finishing poses go nice and slow. she invites the use of ajapa-japa practice, (using mantra with the breath) to help keep the focus on the breath and not let the mind wander as the practice slows down. i’ve been reading some meditation books from Swami Rama, and he teaches the use of mantra in meditation as well, a nice coming together of teachings. So-Hum is the mantra, So on the inhale, Hum on the exhale. Louise says that you don’t actually do the mantra, since it’s always happening, you simply tune it to it. i like that feeling. it makes me think about how all across the world through all the different time zones there is always someone, somewhere doing the practice.

so it’s Saturday now and i’m taking a rest. i drank my ORS (oral re-hydration salts) and i’ve stopped eating to let my stomach rid itself of what ever was making it unhappy. i have a nice papaya waiting for breakfast after practice tomorrow. the 15th is the last day of class here, then i head south to Mysore. i will get there on Sat. and start to practice after the Full Moon.

i hope everyone in Boston (or wherever else you might be reading this from) is doing well and i’d like to hear back from you, feel free to post comments or email me at samathii@gmail.com 

peace and shanti vibes form Rishikesh. Hari Om.

having fallen asleep by 7pm i was up around 4 then sort of in and out of sleep for another hour, anyways i was up and out side on the balcony to see the sun rise over the hills around 6′ish.  the wind along with the Ganga flowing down from the mountains making the morning air pleasantly cool. practice doesn’t start until 8:30! (how decadent) this leaves plenty of time for morning ablutions, nauli, pranayamas etc.

 roof top shala 8am, windows on all sides looking out at the hills and the Divine river, feeling an awe inspiring unnameable presence from centuries of sadhana practiced along side this river, i feel honored and privileged to stand atop my mat and begin again the practice which has brought me here.

it’s a small group of practioners, only about 10 of us, but it doesn’t take long for the humidity in the room to thicken. by my second suryanamaskar B i’m sweating all over, i still do a couple more just to fully be in the groove, before i start into the standings.  all goes well and i’m into the seated poses i get my first adjustment in Pachimo C,  a solid press which i’ve missed for a while. i’m doing all the jumping forward and back and it feels good.  the space in the room allows the pacing to feel comfortable, i’m in no hurry and i’m breathing smoothly, my body is appreciative of the natural heat and the poses are coming easily.  Bhujapidasana is the first time my elbow stops me, feet are crossed and i’m tipping forward and the sensation is rising in my elbow, i pause and ask myself who am i doing this for? i don’t tip forward any further, so what if my chin doesn’t reach the floor.  i continue on through the series.  my legs are placed behind my head in Supta-Kurma, and that’s it on the adjustments until the backbends.

i tell the teacher a little bit of my arm story and she is supportive through the drop backs. again i get a good press in the forward bend, as she is on my back she says, “i had that elbow wrist thing once, lasted about 8 months, then it went away.” i am reminded of the truth of impermanence, and taking comfort in the knowing that this too will pass.” but for now it’s like this and i’m here in Rishikesh enjoying a wonderful practice and feeling grateful for the experience.

peace and Divine Ganga Love to all

S

i’ve been doing a modified surya namskar which i have adapted to in the last month, i.e.  my knees are on the floor as i lower into chaturanga and i’ve taken out the jumping so as to not compromise the stability in my left elbow. i’d developed a condition much like what is commonly called “tennis elbow,”  in that the inner lower elbow joint on the left arm had become sensitive to the touch, and any pressure or resistance while bending the elbow was painful. it seems it was more from assisting others in the practice then how i was doing my own practice , but then it’s hard to separate one from the other.

after experimenting with various approaches during the first week that i stopped teaching, mostly various means to keep my ego/image intact, i was continually being frustrated and feeling like i was prolonging the injury with my efforts to do the practice in the way i was accostumed to it looking.  this is one of those “atha yoga nushasanam” moments as i understand Patanjali . the practice is revealing a deeper truth then i had previously been able to comprehend, but it took everything i had been doing to get me to that moment.

Adaptation – to change the practice to meet the various changing conditions in your body.  not the popular Ashtanga protocol i realize,  but  i’m on r&r, (restore and revitalize.) and this is my own personal suffering, and according to the Yogic tradition, “suffering is the primary means by which we learn.”

 so i’m learning to listen more closely to what the practice is revealing to me about my body. remembering that the practice is the teacher when i shut up in my mind and listen.  the asanas are about me as i do them, i’n doing this practice as a means to look deeply into the way in which i live with this body. and to develop and create more functional movement patterns. and through these means i’m doing full chaturanga again and feeling much gratitude for the practice and the process.

 i’ll be writing more once i get to India at the end of the week.

thanks for checking in, peace to all

S