Today is the New Moon, and it’s been a very quiet reflective day. There was an All India Strike on, due to the current events in Kashmir area. I’ve been away for a few days and i’m posting a journal entry from last Friday, the 27th entitled ”Grace of the Guru .”
it’d been a difficult week, with many doubts and discontents arrising. Sharath left on Tuesday for two weeks, which caused a major shift in the energy of the shala. Saraswati would still be holding class, but many students had opted to take the time off and go away, or stay around and do home practice as per Sharath’s suggestion. a few friend’s of mine had left during the week to return home. my neighbor who had been here since before i arrived, as well as another student who i had met the first day i got here. so i was suffering from an overall upheaval of my daily life here as well as feeling disconnected to my life back in the states.
Weds. morning i woke up feeling not very well, so i stayed home. Thurs. i went to practice and was quite surprized to find the shala half empty and the energy level to be much more relaxed than when Sharath was present. that night i didn’t sleep very well, i’d been up since 2am and when 4:30 arrived i decided the best thing to do was go to practice. i arrived at the shala to find the gate open and no one waiting outside. i went in and there were maybe 15 people spread about, usually on Friday morning there is a mad dash to secure a space and now i just stood there overwhelmed by having too many options on where to put down my mat. i settled for a place in the back row where i would be sure to have plenty of room behind me, a luxury i had come to miss.
a little after five i saw Guruji being led into the office and i felt something special on the way. he’d come down once last month to do the opening chant, now with Sharath away, who knew what could happen. Guruji and Saraswati made their way up to the front and a spark of energy circulated through out the room, perhaps only 25 people showed up for the early class that morning.
his voice was strong as he led us through the invocation, then without pause he called out Ekam, inhale! another jolt of energy spread through the room as we all understood the treat we were in for, led class with Guruji! it was the most inspiring experience i’d had since arriving. to be led through the series by this living source of Ashtanga yoga, was far more powerful than i had imagined. i could so deeply feel his love and devotion for this practice that it seemed to pour forth from my own body. his voice remained strong through out the entire series, and we all remained fixed on his counts, even when they came out of sequence. i can only wish for such stamina and focus if i approach 93.
after class as i came out from the changing room, i saw that he was standing in the doorway of the office at the back of the shala, i went directly to him, compelled from a place deep in my heart and bowed down at his feet. i stood up to behold a gleem of love in his eyes which is beyond my means to describe. i had come here after all these years drawn by an urge to pay my respects, and now the opportunity had been granted. outside in the fresh morning air, a beautiful sky in the colors of daybreak. everything felt so benevolent and at peace.
“some simple thing shaped for generation after generation, until it lives in our hands and in our eyes, and it’s ours.” – Rilke
How awesome is it that you got to practice led primary with guruji – what an unexpected blessing! Your experience reminds me that you just gotta go practice, even when you feel uneasy about changes in the class: fear of a “substitute” teacher is a poor excuse to not go to class – because that substitute could be THE teacher. Another way of thinking about this is that the sub is always THE teacher. When we chant we honor the teacher of teachers, the principle of the guru. We honor the teacher by showing up (literally and figuratively). Your experience is an metaphor for why we should show up to class, let go our preconceived notions about WHO the teacher is, and think instead about what the teacher represents.